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Hmm... May be just the blues

I've been feeling the "blues" since yesterday. It was a tiring and frustrating day at the doctor. Since I moved here to NC I've been visiting the doctor 2 or more times per month. With each visit the same labs E V E R Y single time and that means the need to stick once or twice, heck, even 3 times or more, to get the blood sample. I have something called Sticky blood (APS, APL, Hughes Syndrome) and because I started to eat healthy (yes, believe it or not the healthy eating triggered this crisis) my coagulation time has been off. The normal range for me should be between 2-3 (of whatever the measuring unit) the doctor has been going up and down and still hasn't find the dose. If he goes up, my values can go down, then add a tiny amount and then the values goes up the sky. Then lower the dose again but still a little high, lower the dose and the values goes up, kept me in a kinda common dose and it goes way low. Even when I was in the hospital with a maintaining dose they had a hard time keeping me on the normal range and had to give me a few shots of Levanox (an injectable blood thinner) to try to keep me in the range.

Yesterday (12/22) the lab tech had to stick me twice as one of the veins collapsed. Now I'll have a bruise that will last probably over 2 months and the area is hurting as hell (may be because of the blood pooling in the area). The results high again after the doctor lowered the dose for the ump time. So I have to go again to the office in 10 days. Now this is not all, there's the thing with the money as each visit means that I have to pay for public transportation, the co-payments for the labs and doctor, and the medicines to buy. It also has the waste of time. Yesterday really was crappy in this sense too, as the bus came a little late in the morning to pick me, then I went to buy some groceries and guess what! I was left stranded there for almost 3 hrs (2:45 to be exact) and ended having to call a taxi. I arrived late to the Xmas dinner on the building, the administrator told me that the package I was waiting she left it on my fridge and then she scolds me because my apartment was a mess. And the package that my mom sent was a few "pasteles" from PR and they arrived spoiled. So no PR Xmas dinner.

So it's just one thing after another, after another. I've been here before and have gotten out of it but now I'm so tire. I made some plans for next month or early 2017 to have the first surgery I need but that will have to wait also. I have a husband that I haven't seen in almost 9 years because he hasn't done the papers I asked all this time so his VISA can be process. I've asked divorce many times but he refuse because he says he love me, blah, blah, blah... He got married again (he's Muslim so he can do that) but he hide this fact from me for more than 4 years. I came to know about this because of a photo on FB! So I asked him to acknowledge my rights as a first wife and he can't economically help me. He only earn like US$100 per month and now he has a wife and 2 kids apart of me. So that's ridiculous! How in Earth he'll be able to do the VISA, help me economically and maintain his 2nd wife and kids? Beats me!

So, yeah. This Xmas is going to be very crappy, painful, depressed, lonely... But I have to hang in there because I'm frigging special, like everybody tells me. And everybody is praying for me. *PFT* I'm not going to start in that line as I'll never end this post. I guess I'll give myself permission to cry all I want and can, indulge eating something sweet, watch a cheesy Korean dorama and listen to the occasional meowing of my cat, the only loyal companion I have.

Anyway, I sincerely wish for you a much happier holiday than mine!

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